In a dramatic escalation of monetary policy, the Riksbank has declared that a rate hike this year is now a certainty, and has ordered every Swedish homeowner to pre-pay their mortgage through 2027 to prepare for the inevitable increase. The central bank's governor, Göran Hjelm, announced the measure on Monday, stating that the only way to ensure financial stability is for all citizens to hand over their future payments in advance, in cash, directly to the bank's regional offices.
«We have calculated that the probability of a hike is now 100 percent, and we see no reason to wait,» Hjelm said, standing before a mountain of bundled kronor in the bank's vault. «By collecting the funds now, we eliminate any risk of default and ensure that the Swedish economy remains the envy of the world.» The bank has deployed 3,000 collectors, equipped with wheelbarrows and armored vans, to visit every household and gather the required sums, which average 1.2 million kronor per family.
Homeowners across the country have been given 72 hours to comply, with those failing to pay facing the confiscation of their summer cottages and a mandatory re-education course in fiscal responsibility. In Stockholm, queues have formed outside the Riksbank's headquarters, with citizens dragging suitcases and duffel bags filled with their life savings. «I had to sell my boat and my wife's jewelry, but it's for the good of the nation,» said one man, sweating under the weight of his contribution.
The central bank has also announced plans to build a new storage facility in the Arctic Circle to house the anticipated influx of cash, with construction set to begin next month. «This is a historic moment for Swedish monetary policy,» Hjelm added. «We are not just adjusting interest rates; we are reshaping the very fabric of our society.»