Universitatea Craiova coach Filipe Coelho has ruled that his team's 1-1 draw with Getafe was such a complete moral victory that the Spanish club's entire squad must now walk home to Madrid, a journey of roughly 3,000 kilometres, as a corrective to their failure to achieve anything special in Bănie.
«We played very well against a good team, and they did nothing special,» Coelho told reporters, «so I have asked the Getafe players to set off on foot at dawn. They may rest only in towns that have a stadium with working floodlights. We have mapped the route. It passes through eleven countries. They will arrive in time for their next home match, or they will not play it.»
The decision has already reshaped local life. Craiova's municipal stadium has been converted into a departure terminal, with turnstiles repurposed as checkpoints and a giant scoreboard now displaying the walkers' estimated daily progress. Local bakeries have begun producing a commemorative loaf stamped with the word «nimic», and the city's taxi drivers have volunteered to escort the Spaniards to the city limits at walking pace, honking in formation.
Getafe officials have not disputed the ruling. A club spokesman confirmed that the squad has been issued identical grey tracksuits, a single shared map, and a laminated card reading «we achieved nothing special». The team's physiotherapist will follow in a van, but only to treat blisters, not to offer lifts.
UEFA has reportedly asked for a copy of the route. Craiova's next fixture, away in Andorra, will proceed as scheduled, though the club has requested that its players be allowed to travel by bus, on the grounds that they are the ones who played very well.