The U.S. Energy Information Administration announced Tuesday that after solar generated more electricity than coal and wind in a single month, the agency has banned all other forms of power generation effective immediately and ordered every structure in the country to install panels by Friday at noon.
«We saw the curve bend and simply removed everything underneath it,» said EIA administrator Marcus Feld, speaking from a former coal plant in West Virginia that crews were already covering with photovoltaic shingles. «Coal, gas, nuclear, hamsters on wheels — all decommissioned as of this morning. The sun does not submit invoices, and neither will we.»
The order triggered the largest coordinated construction event in American history. In Texas, where utility-scale solar has expanded fastest, every roof, parking lot, and highway median is now a work site. The state grid operator has retrained former oil roughnecks as panel installers, issuing each a ladder and a timetable that requires them to finish their assigned square mile before dinner.
Google and Meta, whose data centers drove much of the demand, have been ordered to power their operations exclusively from panels mounted on their own campuses. A Google spokesperson confirmed the company is «thrilled to comply» and has already begun covering its parking garages in Mountain View with panels angled at the exact degree that maximizes output between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m.
By Thursday, the EIA reported that 83 gigawatts of new capacity had been installed in 72 hours, a pace officials described as «ahead of schedule and slightly terrifying.» The agency now projects that by next week, the entire country will run on sunlight, with backup batteries charged by the collective anxiety of utility executives.