STOCKHOLM — In an unprecedented response to the global shortage of living space, IKEA has announced that its 70-euro PAX wardrobe will now serve as the legal minimum standard for all new residential construction, effectively requiring citizens to live inside the furniture they purchase. The Swedish retailer confirmed that the 50-centimeter-wide, 236-centimeter-tall unit has been reclassified from «storage solution» to «primary dwelling» by an emergency consortium of eleven national housing ministries.
Under the new regulations, which take effect at the next full moon, every apartment under 30 square meters must be equipped with at least one PAX unit, and occupants are required to demonstrate «vertical integration» by sleeping in shifts aligned with the wardrobe's internal shelving. IKEA has begun shipping the units with a complimentary wall-anchor kit and a laminated card instructing buyers to «assemble with one other person, then become that other person's roommate.»
The company also unveiled a mandatory training program for all new tenants, conducted in IKEA showroom mazes, where participants practice folding themselves into the 58-centimeter depth while reciting the assembly instructions in Swedish. «We are not selling furniture,» said a spokesperson, «we are selling a new definition of standing.» Early adopters report that the wardrobe's foldable structure has reduced their morning commute to a single step.
By next week, municipal inspectors will begin measuring citizens against the PAX frame at random checkpoints. Those exceeding the width are issued a complimentary KOMPLEMENT drawer and asked to reconsider their posture. The first fully compliant neighborhood, a former parking lot outside Malmö, now houses 4,000 residents in a grid of wardrobes stacked eleven high, each with a ceiling exactly 237 centimeters above the floor.