WARSAW — In a move that has electrified the corridors of power, newly appointed Deputy Minister of Energy Piotr Masłowski has declared that upon taking office on September 7th, he will personally generate the electricity for the entire ministry building by pedaling a custom-built, throne-like stationary bicycle installed in his office.
«My predecessor talked about grid modernization,» Masłowski announced to assembled staff, his calves already visibly toned from a preparatory training regimen. «I will simply become the grid. Every watt of power used to light this building, run its computers, and brew its coffee will first pass through my legs.»
The ministry has already commissioned a team of engineers to construct a network of copper wiring connecting the minister's office to every socket in the building. Staff have been issued pedaling schedules, with the minister committing to an initial eight-hour shift, to be extended to a full twelve hours once he has acclimatized to the workload. A dedicated team of masseurs and nutritionists has been hired to maintain the minister's output, and a special high-calorie diet of beetroot juice and oatmeal has been approved by the ministry's canteen.
«We have calculated that the minister's sustained output of 150 watts will cover the lighting for the ground floor corridor,» explained chief engineer Stanisław Kowal, holding a blueprint covered in sweat-stained annotations. «For the server room, we are proposing a secondary flywheel system that the minister can spin up during his lunch break.»
Masłowski has also announced a mandatory morning cycling club for all ministry employees, stating that «a ministry that pedals together, powers together.» The first training session is scheduled for the day he takes his oath, with a ceremonial first pedal stroke to be broadcast on the ministry's internal television network.