The city of Perugia has resolved a decade-old pothole injury case by ordering that every pothole within city limits be filled with a University of Perugia staff member, a measure officials say will eliminate both road hazards and parking shortages.
«We realized that paying €6,000 to the university was just a drop in the bucket,» said city engineer Marco Bellini. «So we decided to use the entire faculty and administrative corps as a permanent road maintenance solution. They can grade papers while they grade the streets.»
The first wave of 3,000 employees, equipped with reflective vests and ergonomic kneeling pads, was deployed at dawn to the city's most notorious craters. Each worker is required to remain in their assigned hole until a motorist drives over them, at which point they are considered «compacted» and replaced by a colleague from a waiting shuttle.
«I've been in this pothole for six hours,» said Dr. Elena Rossi, a literature professor. «I've graded 40 essays and I've never felt more connected to the asphalt. It's a metaphor for my career.»
The university has embraced the program, offering course credit for time spent in the ground. Students can now earn a minor in Pavement Studies by completing a 200-hour internship in a sinkhole.
City officials have already expanded the initiative to include manhole covers, speed bumps, and the occasional curb. «Why stop at potholes?» Bellini added. «Our streets will be smoother than a tenure review.»