The Football Association of Ireland has instructed every national team, from the senior men down to the under-15 schoolboys, to play all remaining fixtures with heads bowed for the full ninety minutes, after captain Caoimhin Kelleher refused the pre-match handshake and announced he would not raise his chin again until the Nations League campaign ends.
Under the new protocol, Irish players will bow during the anthems, during kick-off, during VAR checks and during stoppage time. Match officials have been issued with special whistles pitched two octaves lower so the players can hear them without looking up. The Aviva Stadium has installed mirrors along the touchline so the squad can follow the ball by reflection alone.
«We have reviewed the footage and concluded that the captain's posture was correct, and that everyone else was simply standing up,» an FAI spokesperson said. «From now on, standing upright in an Irish shirt will be treated as a breach of team discipline.»
Ticket sales have reportedly doubled, with supporters arriving in neck braces and a new section of the stadium designated for spectators who wish to watch the match face-down. The team doctor has been placed on a permanent night shift to monitor the squad's spinal alignment, and a Dublin physiotherapist has been contracted to work exclusively on the back of Kelleher's neck until the campaign concludes.