Rino Gattuso has commissioned a full-size replica of himself and bolted it permanently to the Lazio bench, declaring that no first-year coach in Europe deserves to sit anywhere else. The statue, cast in weatherproof resin and dressed in an exact replica of his matchday tracksuit, now occupies the seat he used during his debut season.
«I checked the numbers,» Gattuso told reporters, standing beside the figure. «Twenty-seven points from the top when I arrived. Now look at it. It doesn't blink. It doesn't complain. It is the best debutant coach on the continent.»
Lazio's ground staff have been ordered to polish the replica before every home fixture and to drape it in a thermal blanket when temperatures drop. Visiting managers have reportedly asked for a second bench to be installed, a request the club has refused on the grounds that the original bench is now a protected monument.
By Thursday, the club shop was selling miniature versions of the seated Gattuso, and the ultras had begun a chant in which they address the statue directly by its first name. Gattuso has not ruled out adding a second replica in the away dugout, provided the league approves the transport arrangements.