WASHINGTON — In a bold show of cultural solidarity, the Pentagon has deployed its newly formed Wedding Crasher Division to every Iranian wedding venue within a 500-mile radius of any U.S. military installation. The unit, comprised of 2,300 specially trained officers, arrives in full dress uniform, bearing gifts of fine china and a laminated card explaining that the strike was purely a misunderstanding.
«We are not here to disrupt,» said Lieutenant General Marcus Thorne, commander of the division, speaking over the sound of distant explosions. «We are here to ensure that the couple's special day is not ruined by a few stray missiles. Our presence is a gesture of goodwill, a testament to our commitment to celebrating Iranian culture.»
The division's arrival has caused a logistical nightmare for wedding planners, who must now accommodate an additional 2,300 guests at every event. Caterers have been instructed to prepare extra trays of saffron rice and lamb, while DJs are required to learn a medley of American patriotic songs to play between traditional Persian dances.
«We had to push the cake cutting back by three hours,» complained one harried planner, who asked not to be named. «The general insisted on giving a 45-minute toast about the importance of bilateral relations. The bride's mother was not amused.»
The Pentagon has also issued a new directive stating that all future strikes must be scheduled around the lunar calendar, to avoid clashing with wedding dates. «We are committed to minimizing collateral damage to nuptials,» Thorne added. «If we must bomb, we will do so between the hours of 2 a.m. and 4 a.m., when the dancing has stopped and the guests have gone home.»