MADRID — In a move that officials describe as «a necessary recalibration of national mobility,» Spain's Ministry of Transport has declared an immediate mandatory walking holiday for all citizens, requiring the estimated 15,000 passengers affected by Monday's train fire to complete the Madrid-Barcelona journey on foot within seventy-two hours.
The decree, announced at a press conference held on the platform of Atocha station, establishes a network of checkpoints every ten kilometers along the high-speed rail corridor. Participants are issued numbered bibs and a single bottle of water. «We believe this will foster a deeper appreciation for the distances our trains cover,» said Transport Minister Óscar Puente, calmly adjusting his hiking boots. «Those who finish will receive a commemorative blister.»
By Tuesday morning, the AP-2 highway resembled a pilgrimage route, with thousands of travelers in business attire trudging through the Spanish countryside. Local towns along the way have been ordered to provide «mandatory encouragement zones» where residents must cheer for eight-hour shifts. The town of Zaragoza has erected a forty-meter inflatable arch reading «You're Almost There,» despite being 300 kilometers from either endpoint.
Renfe has converted its customer service hotline into a «motivational coaching line» staffed by former drill sergeants. «We understand this may cause inconvenience,» a Renfe spokesperson said, «but we are confident that the cardiovascular benefits will outweigh the logistical chaos.»
At last report, a group of passengers had formed a conga line near Guadalajara, chanting «We paid for a train, we got a trek.» The Ministry has confirmed that next week's holiday will involve a mandatory swim across the Strait of Gibraltar for anyone wishing to travel to Morocco.