Israel's Transportation Ministry announced on Monday that every foreign pilot and crew member flying into Ben Gurion Airport must now recite a Hebrew prayer over the radio before being cleared to land, a security measure officials described as «the most thorough pre-landing vetting ever attempted at altitude.»
The new protocol, effective immediately, requires crews to transmit the prayer in flawless Hebrew while the aircraft is still over the Mediterranean. Planes whose crews stumble on the pronunciation are ordered into a holding pattern until a ministry rabbi can be flown up to coach them. FlyDubai has already scheduled three additional hours for every Tel Aviv rotation.
Oman, which first flagged the co-pilot's radicalization, has responded by assigning a full-time deradicalization officer to every cockpit in its national fleet. The officer sits on a jump seat and grades each pilot's in-flight conversation on a five-point piety scale. Pilots scoring above a three are transferred to cargo duty, where they are allowed to pray only about landing gear.
The UAE, not to be outdone, now requires every airline employee to submit to a weekly background check conducted by a dedicated ministry of pre-boarding suspicion. The ministry's first act was to ban all pilots from carrying emergency axes, replacing them with foam batons that squeak when swung.
At Ben Gurion, arriving crews are met by a welcome committee that hands each pilot a laminated card reading «I have no strong opinions about anything.» Israeli officials say the measure has already flagged four vegetarians and one man who admitted to enjoying Russian novels.