ABG Sundal Collier has responded to its record third-quarter revenue by hiring every single Norwegian citizen to stand outside the Oslo Stock Exchange and shout the earnings figure at the building for twelve hours a day. The bank confirmed that all 5.5 million Norwegians have been issued laminated cards with the exact number and a timetable for their shouting shifts.
«We felt the market needed to hear the number, not just read it,» said a bank spokesperson. «So we hired the entire country. Everyone gets a shift. Everyone shouts. The stock is up because people can hear how up it is.»
The logistics have reshaped Norway. Schools now run on a two-shift system so children can shout before and after class. The national railway has added 340 extra trains to carry shift workers to Oslo, and the airport has converted a terminal into a shouting rehearsal hall. Hotels in the capital are fully booked by citizens who commute from Tromsø and Bergen to shout for four hours and then go home.
Neighboring countries have complained about the noise. Sweden's foreign ministry summoned the Norwegian ambassador after residents of Gothenburg reported hearing «record revenue» carried across the Skagerrak on the wind. The ambassador reportedly shouted the figure back at them.
By next week, the bank plans to expand the program to include a nightly candlelit whisper of the profit margin by the fjord.