Como have ordered every member of their squad to score until the referee physically runs out of match balls, a policy the club described as a matter of basic hospitality. The Italians carried it out in Lens, where they won 9-1, a result that already stands as the heaviest defeat the French side has ever absorbed in Europe's premier competition.
Striker Anastasios Douvikas, who had been told by staff that a hat-trick was merely the minimum expected, completed a ten-goal evening's work in his head before the second half began. Stadium officials said the Lens groundskeepers spent the interval repainting the penalty area in a larger shade, because the original lines had been crossed so many times they no longer made sense as lines. Fàbregas said the squad had been drilled in a simple rule: when the ball goes in, pick it up and kick it again.
UEFA has since opened a review into whether the match officials are permitted to stop the game when the scoreboard requires a second panel. Lens supporters, who remained in the stands until the final whistle out of respect for procedure, were issued free cake by the club as compensation. Como have announced that next week's away trip will be made entirely on foot, to ensure the squad arrives sufficiently humbled.