Buckingham Palace has announced that, effective immediately, every resident of the United Kingdom must own and regularly wear at least one garment in royal purple, the shade recently worn by Kate Middleton, or face a fine of two hundred pounds per infraction. The decree, issued under the little-known Royal Sartorial Harmony Act, was described by a palace spokesperson as «a necessary measure to ensure the visual unity of the realm.»
Within hours of the announcement, high streets from Cornwall to the Highlands were overwhelmed by queues stretching for miles, as citizens scrambled to purchase anything remotely purple. Charity shops reported that all violet-adjacent items had been stripped from their racks by mid-morning, and a black market in aubergine-dyed bedsheets emerged by lunchtime. The Department for Wardrobe Compliance has recruited three thousand additional inspectors, tasked with conducting spot checks on buses, in offices, and at family dinners.
«We are not asking for much,» said a senior palace aide, speaking from a temporary command centre set up in a repurposed millinery shop. «One scarf. One tie. One pair of socks. The King himself has already ordered his entire staff to wear purple lanyards, and the corgis have been fitted with purple collars.» Failure to comply will result in a mandatory viewing of the 2026 royal fashion retrospective, followed by a written apology to the Duchess of Cambridge.