Meghan Markle has ordered every Hollywood studio to dismantle its lots and reassemble them on the grounds of her Sussex residence, where she will personally supervise the completion of her entire film and television slate before bidding the industry a definitive farewell.
The Duchess of Sussex issued the directive through a newly formed Office of Cinematic Transition, which has already dispatched moving crews to Paramount, Universal, and Warner Bros. to begin loading soundstages onto flatbed trucks. A spokesperson explained that the relocation was necessary to ensure that no project could be abandoned or delayed once Meghan returns to Britain for good.
«We cannot have a single camera left in Los Angeles,» the spokesperson said. «Every script, every costume rack, and every craft services table must be within a ten-minute walk of the main house, so that the Duchess can review each frame personally before she steps away from the industry forever.»
Netflix executives have reportedly agreed to the move, citing the logistical simplicity of having all production offices in one garden. The streaming giant has already begun converting the estate's greenhouses into editing bays, while the stables have been rewired to house a 4K projection suite for daily screenings.
Neighbours in the village have complained about the constant hum of generators and the arrival of several hundred crew members, who have been instructed to wear period costumes at all times in case Meghan decides to resume acting on a whim. Local officials have approved the construction of a temporary red carpet running from the front gate to the drawing room, where the Duchess will hold her final press conference next month.
«This is not a retreat,» Meghan said in a statement read by a footman. «It is a consolidation. Hollywood will come to me, and I will finish what I started, one scene at a time, in the comfort of my own hedgerows.»