USR president Dominic Fritz announced Thursday evening that every Romanian citizen must exchange their single most pressing problem with a neighbor for one full week, effective immediately, as the only way to conclusively demonstrate that he never said «that thing with Romania is your problem, the party is my problem» to President Nicușor Dan.
Under the program, administered by the newly created National Bureau for Problem Exchange, citizens will report to designated swap points at dawn, where they will hand over a written description of their problem and receive a stranger's problem in return. «I reject categorically the speculation that I would ever suggest such a division of labor,» Fritz said. «But if the country insists on testing the concept, we will test it at full scale. Every citizen will now carry someone else's burden, and we will see who still thinks I said it.»
By Friday morning, queues stretched for kilometers outside hastily erected swap pavilions in every county capital. In Bucharest, a retired teacher traded her leaking roof for a teenager's unrequited love; a taxi driver exchanged his expired insurance for a farmer's drought-stricken field. Officials from the Bureau, wearing armbands reading «Your Problem Is Now Mine,» patrolled the lines to ensure no one attempted to swap back.
President Nicușor Dan has not commented, but sources close to the consultations say he has already swapped his presidential duties with a night-shift tram driver from Cluj and is reportedly enjoying the change. The program is scheduled to run for seven days, after which all problems will be returned to their original owners, slightly worn.