MILAN — Inter Milan will play every remaining home fixture of the season on a single municipal training pitch on the outskirts of the city, under a timetable issued Wednesday by a newly formed Milanese Commission for Footballing Consequences, following the club's 4-3 defeat to Club Brugge at San Siro.
The commission, chaired by a retired groundskeeper named Aldo Ferrini, ruled that the club may no longer use San Siro until it has won three consecutive matches on the training pitch, which has one working floodlight and a goalpost that leans noticeably to the left. «We measured the pitch at seventy-two metres long and forty-three wide, and we expect the players to adapt,» Ferrini said. «The timetable permits kickoffs only between eleven in the morning and two in the afternoon, because the neighbours complain after dark.»
Supporters attending matches must now bring their own seating, and the commission has published a schedule assigning each season-ticket holder a specific tree or fence post along the touchline. The club has also been ordered to conduct a public apology tour with stops at every bar within a two-kilometre radius of San Siro, where the manager must read a prepared statement and then personally sweep the pavement outside.
By Thursday morning, the training pitch had acquired a ticket window made of plywood, a hand-painted scoreboard, and a queue of supporters carrying folding chairs. The commission announced that if Inter win three matches in a row, the club may apply to return to San Siro, provided the floodlight is repaired at the club's own expense and the leaning goalpost is donated to a local museum.