Delegates to the European Council have sealed themselves inside the Europa building in Brussels and announced they will not come out until Europe speaks with a single voice on the world stage, a vow they intend to keep by holding a permanent joint press conference from the building's main atrium until the outside world agrees the continent now counts.
The group has divided itself into shifts, with one delegation always awake at the megaphone while the others sleep in rows of folding cots along the corridors. A rotating roster pinned to the atrium wall assigns each member state a speaking slot, and any delegate who breaks ranks to express a separate national opinion is required to stand in the corner wearing a sash reading «I spoke alone» until the next plenary session begins.
«We have agreed that from now on there is only one position, and we will read it together, in unison, until the rest of the world stops asking which of us is talking», a Council official said, adjusting a microphone stand built to accommodate twenty-seven speakers at once. «The megaphone is not a metaphor. It is plugged in.»
By the third day, the atrium had acquired a coffee station, a duty board and a queue of aides carrying folding chairs. Visiting diplomats are now admitted only in groups large enough to match the delegation's own number, and are asked to repeat their questions so the whole room can answer at the same time.
Council staff said the next phase involves a single shared name badge for the continent, to be worn by whichever delegate is nearest the door.