HAMBURG — The crisis exercise «Red Storm Business» concluded Tuesday with the complete evacuation of the Elbe, the temporary relocation of the port to a parking garage in Harburg, and a formal demand from Hamburg's CDU chief that the Chancellor face a confidence vote over the quality of the drill's catering.
The exercise, designed to test how local firms respond to a major disruption, began at 6 a.m. when a single bakery on Mönckebergstrasse simulated a flour shortage. By noon, every business in the city had joined in. Dockworkers rehearsed loading containers onto bicycles. The Chamber of Commerce declared a state of emergency and appointed a crisis manager whose first act was to ban all meetings, then schedule a meeting to discuss the ban.
«We wanted to see how far we could push the scenario,» said drill coordinator Katrin Bohlmann. «When the fish market started simulating a fish shortage, we realized we had to simulate an ocean shortage. That's when we called the water authority.»
The water authority complied, lowering the Elbe by two meters for four hours. Ships were asked to float on their honor. The fire brigade practiced rescuing people from dry land. A local insurance firm opened a pop-up office on the riverbed to sell flood coverage to passing crabs.
By evening, the CDU had seen enough. «If the Chancellor cannot guarantee adequate coffee and sandwiches during a simulated flour crisis,» said party leader Christoph Ploß, «then we must question his ability to govern in a real one.» The drill is scheduled to continue Wednesday with a simulated shortage of simulations.