KYIV — Ukraine's Ministry of Veterans Affairs has embedded a certified astrologer in every brigade command post, where the day's Sagittarius horoscope is read aloud before each operation and the unit's marksmanship scores are adjusted to match its predictions, officials confirmed Friday.
The program, called «Celestial Sighting,» began as a single astrologer assigned to a training range in the Chernihiv region. Within a week, commanders reported that soldiers born under Sagittarius were hitting targets at ranges previously reserved for snipers, and the ministry ordered the practice extended to all branches of the armed forces.
«We are not superstitious,» said Deputy Minister for Celestial Affairs Olena Marchenko. «We are simply reading the sky correctly for the first time since 1991. The Sagittarius horoscope told us to expect a financial opportunity and a romantic gesture. We interpreted both as a directive to advance.»
By Thursday, every recruitment center in the country had installed a rotating star chart above its door, and new recruits were asked to state their zodiac sign before their blood type. Sagittarius volunteers receive a two-day head start on basic training, a personal telescope, and the right to choose their own call sign from a list of approved constellations.
The Ministry of Defense has requested an additional 4,000 astrologers for the coming season, while the national railway added a nightly «Sagittarius Express» from Lviv to the front, with reading lamps and complimentary star maps at every seat. Local bakeries now sell a crescent-shaped pastry called the Archer's Aim, and it is sold out by 6 a.m.
«The horoscope said to expect good news about money,» Marchenko added. «We are still waiting on that part. The romantic gesture arrived on Tuesday.»