The United States Tennis Association announced that the men's final of the US Open will begin at 4 a.m. local time, and that all players competing in the tournament must now train exclusively between midnight and dawn, following a unanimous vote by the USTA board to preserve the five-set format at any cost.
Under the new rules, players will sleep in the Arthur Ashe Stadium locker room, eat their pre-match meals at sunset, and practice their serves under floodlights while the rest of New York sleeps. The USTA has hired a team of retired night-shift workers to coach the athletes on staying awake, and has installed espresso machines on every changeover bench.
«We realized that if we keep starting matches at 11 p.m., the five-setter will survive forever,» said USTA scheduling director Marcus Feldbaum. «The human body is a minor obstacle. We have consulted with casino pit bosses and long-haul truckers. They assure us that with enough caffeine and stubbornness, a player can rally until sunrise.»
Television partners have been ordered to broadcast the final live at 4 a.m., with a pre-match show beginning at 2:30 a.m. that will feature a documentary about the history of insomnia. Fans who wish to attend must pass a mandatory alertness test at the gate, which involves reciting the score of the 2022 Alcaraz–Sinner quarterfinal without yawning.
By next week, the USTA plans to extend the policy to all Grand Slams, requiring the Australian Open to start at midnight and Wimbledon to begin at 3 a.m. The French Open has reportedly asked for an exemption, citing the difficulty of finding fresh croissants at that hour.