Karlsruhe, Germany — The Federal Constitutional Court has ordered all sixteen of its judges to attend every AfD rally, town hall meeting, and campaign barbecue across the country, armed with legal pads and a portable photocopier, until the party voluntarily agrees to disband.
The order follows a guest essay by Defense Minister Boris Pistorius and Baden-Württemberg Premier Cem Özdemir, who argued that a ban procedure should be initiated «as soon as possible.» Rather than wait for the formal process, the court has decided to take its case directly to the people, dispatching judges to shadow AfD events in shifts, documenting every slogan and hand gesture for immediate judicial review.
«We will not rest until every AfD member has looked into the eyes of a constitutional judge and understood the gravity of their actions,» said court spokesperson Helga Richter, speaking from a folding chair at a rally in Magdeburg, where she had just finished annotating a speech about border policy. «If they refuse to disband, we will simply follow them everywhere. We have the stamina, the legal training, and a very large supply of coffee.»
The judges have already attended 34 events this week, including a wedding reception where a local AfD candidate was overheard complaining about the presence of «uninvited legal experts.» The court has responded by issuing a preliminary injunction against the wedding, requiring the couple to re-solemnize their vows in the presence of a full bench. Next week, the judges plan to set up a permanent observation post outside the AfD headquarters in Berlin, complete with a tent, a flagpole, and a sign reading «Awaiting Voluntary Dissolution.»