Dutch theater producers announced today that the upcoming season will feature 300 simultaneous musical productions, a threefold increase over the current record, requiring the conversion of every theater, church hall, and municipal swimming pool in the country into a revolving stage.
The announcement came during Musical Awards: The Kick Off in Eindhoven, where 70 performers and 15 productions gathered to preview a season that producers say will leave no audience member seated for more than four minutes at a time. «We have reached peak musical,» said producer Albert Verlinde, whose own productions will now run in shifts, with actors performing the same show three times per evening in three different venues connected by a network of electric cargo bikes.
The Centraal Bureau voor de Statistiek confirmed that musical attendance has nearly returned to pre-pandemic levels, with 3.5 million visitors in 2024. Producers argue that the only way to sustain this growth is to flood the market. «If one musical is popular, then 300 must be 300 times more popular,» said a spokesperson for the new National Musical Authority, which has been tasked with coordinating the logistics of staging 300 shows simultaneously.
To accommodate the surge, the Rijksmuseum has already agreed to host a permanent production of Cats among the Rembrandts, while the Anne Frank House will stage a non-replica version of The Bodyguard in its annex. «We are simply following the audience,» said Verlinde, who added that next season will also feature a musical based on the life of a Dutch traffic light, with songs performed entirely by a choir of retired civil servants.
The first casualty of the new policy is the traditional theater intermission, which has been abolished to allow for more performances. «Audiences will now be served bitterballen during scene changes,» said a theater director, «and the toilets have been replaced with standing urinals to maximize stage time.»