ZURICH — Swiss voters went to the polls today on a constitutional amendment that would require every resident to physically turn away from any foreign national, with the Federal Council already ordering a nationwide rehearsal for next Sunday at 14:00 sharp.
The measure, known as the Strict Neutrality Initiative, would make it a criminal offence to face a foreigner for longer than three seconds. Under the new timetable, all cross-border handshakes, greetings and eye contact would be permitted only between 06:00 and 06:04 on alternate Tuesdays, and only if both parties have completed a certified neutrality examination.
«We are not being unfriendly,» said Justice Minister Beat Jans. «We are simply rotating our entire population ninety degrees away from the border, which is the most literal reading of the constitution we could find.»
Border towns have begun installing rotating platforms on sidewalks so that pedestrians can pivot in unison when a foreigner approaches. The army has been deployed to train schoolchildren in the correct angle of avoidance, and the national railway has added a special carriage where passengers may sit facing the wall for the duration of any international journey.
Under the new rules, anyone caught smiling at a visitor from abroad must perform forty hours of community service, which consists of standing in a field and facing Switzerland.