President Trump has ordered CNN, MS NOW and Politico to vacate the White House briefing room and report permanently from a green canvas tent pitched on the South Lawn, effective immediately. The tent has no heating, one folding table and a single extension cord that reaches the nearest hedge.
«They wanted to cover the White House, so we gave them the lawn,» a senior administration official said. «The view is excellent. You can see the whole building from there.»
Press secretary Karoline Leavitt confirmed that the three outlets will be issued one shared portable toilet and a laminated map showing the nearest public restroom, which is eleven blocks away. She said the arrangement is «generous» and that other fake news media will follow by Friday.
By Wednesday, crews had begun dismantling the briefing room desks of the banned outlets and stacking the wood on the driveway. A rotating queue system was introduced: each reporter gets fifteen minutes inside the tent, then must stand outside in a designated chalk rectangle while the next outlet takes a turn.
Fox News has requested a second tent for its own exclusive use. The White House is considering the request and has asked the National Park Service to measure the lawn for additional capacity.