Netflix has commissioned Philomena Cunk to interview every human being who has ever seen a film, one at a time, in a single continuous shoot that will not end until the concept of cinema has been fully and satisfactorily explained to her. The streaming service confirmed that production began on Monday and that the queue now stretches from the BBC's Television Centre to a disused cinema in Bradford, where participants are issued a numbered ticket and a small portion of stale popcorn.
«We have calculated that at the current rate of questioning, the series will conclude in the year 2087,» a Netflix spokesperson said. «Ms Cunk has been given a lumpy seat, a thermos and a firm instruction not to let anyone leave until they have answered the question 'what does cinema want?' to her satisfaction. So far, nobody has.»
Benedict Cumberbatch and Michael Bay were the first to be processed. Cumberbatch reportedly spent nine hours attempting to explain the invention of the camera before admitting he did not know, while Bay was asked to justify the existence of CGI and responded by detonating a small controlled explosion in the car park, which Cunk described as «the most honest answer yet.»
The production has already altered the surrounding area. Local councils have opened temporary accommodation for interviewees, a catering firm has been contracted to supply popcorn on an industrial scale, and schools have begun teaching a module titled 'Why Can't Cinema Tell Us What It Wants?' A second queue has formed for people who have only seen trailers.