The American League Division Series opener between the Yankees and the Rays has been relocated from Yankee Stadium to the Underdog promo code itself, and every resident of Tampa Bay has been ordered to walk to the Bronx to redeem it in person, the league confirmed Tuesday.
Under the arrangement, each of the roughly 400,000 residents must present a five-dollar bill at the gate, receive a ten-dollar token, and then walk back to Florida and return the following day to repeat the process, for ten consecutive days, until the full hundred dollars has been collected on foot. The first pitch will be thrown once the last resident clears the George Washington Bridge.
«We looked at the offer and decided the only honest way to honor it was to make the journey literal,» said a league official who asked not to be named because he is still walking. «The Rays were the top team in the American League at home, so we simply moved the home games to the road. All of them. Permanently. On foot.»
Gerrit Cole will start for the Yankees whenever the crowd arrives. Drew Rasmussen will start for the Rays, from the New Jersey Turnpike, where he has been told to warm up in the shoulder lane. Junior Caminero is expected to bat cleanup somewhere around Delaware.
Hotels along the route report that the entire borough of Tampa has been reorganized into walking columns, with the mayor at the front carrying a sign that reads «Play $5, Get $100.» The sign is not a metaphor. It is a sign.