Shoppers across the country were turned away from supermarkets today after management introduced a mandatory meal-planning examination at every entrance, requiring customers to demonstrate a week's worth of low-cost dinners on a single sheet of paper before being allowed to touch a trolley.
The new rule, which took effect at dawn, means anyone unable to produce a coherent seven-day menu using only own-brand products, frozen vegetables and whatever is already in their pantry is escorted to a waiting area and made to watch a forty-minute instructional video on the correct way to grate cheese.
«We are simply helping people help themselves,» said a regional operations director for one chain, speaking from a podium erected between the reduced section and the bakery. «If a customer cannot explain why a whole cabbage is cheaper per gram than a bag of pre-shredded slaw, they are not ready for the responsibility of a weekly shop.»
By mid-morning, queues stretched past the petrol station as shoppers recited seasonal vegetable charts to examiners in high-visibility vests. Those who passed were issued a colour-coded wristband granting access to the reduced aisle after 6pm. Those who failed were sent home with a complimentary tin of beans and a leaflet titled «Try Again Next Week».
Local authorities have begun converting disused bus shelters into revision booths, where residents can practise inventory-taking and impulse-buy refusal drills until midnight. A second attempt costs nothing, but candidates must bring their own shopping list.