Relationships between older women and younger men are attracting growing attention as traditional dating expectations continue to shift, according to a Los Angeles sex and relationship therapist who says she is seeing more interest in these age-gap pairings.
Tammy Nelson, a board-certified sexologist, sex therapist and integrative relationship therapist, said the pattern is no longer unusual. «Older women and younger men are now a thing,» she said. «I know a lot of older women, even my age, that are dating or … being attracted to younger men.»
Recent polling and research suggest that traditional dating rules around age may be loosening. A 2023 Bumble poll of 26,849 dating-app users across more than 20 countries found that 59% of women were more open to dating someone younger, while 35% said they had become less judgmental about age-gap relationships.
A 2025 study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that both men and women were slightly more attracted to younger partners after blind dates. The study included adults ages 22 to 85 and measured initial attraction rather than long-term relationship outcomes.
«This preference for youth among women will be shocking to many people,» Paul Eastwick, a psychology professor at the University of California, Davis, and lead author of the study, said in a university news release. «But women's preferences on the dates themselves revealed something else entirely.»
A separate 2024 analysis of nearly 36,000 couples across 29 European countries found that women's tendency to partner with slightly older men shifted toward same-age partners as they grew older. Together, the findings do not establish a definitive rise in older women dating younger men, but they suggest the traditional older-man and younger-woman pattern may be less rigid than commonly assumed.
Nelson said some women may feel more comfortable expressing their sexuality as they age. «As women grow into their bodies, grow into their sexuality, we become less concerned with how other people see us,» she said. «And then we discover that being sexy is an inside job.»
A 2026 Ashley Madison survey found that 45% of the dating site's female members said they reached their sexual prime at age 40 or older.
Nelson said her conversations with age-gap couples suggest men are drawn to older women because they may feel more comfortable communicating their sexual needs. Many women are also entering a new phase of life after raising children, which can mean younger men face less pressure around marriage.
«They're really participating as equal partners,» Nelson said. «It comes back to this place where you realize you deserve pleasure,» she added. «And what does pleasure look like? That's a whole new fun phase of life.»
Such relationships are not without complications, particularly when couples consider a long-term future. Differences in life stage, caregiving expectations and finances can create tension, Nelson said. Couples may also hold different views about marriage, children, retirement and long-term plans.
Mismatched cultural references can pose another challenge. «It can be frustrating to be with someone who doesn't know who the Grateful Dead is, who's never been to a Rolling Stones concert or just doesn't know your level of cultural references,» Nelson said. «There's something comforting about being with someone who grew up in the same world that you did.»
At the same time, those differences can create opportunities for couples to learn from each other, she noted. «You can teach each other and share with each other a different perspective about the world,» Nelson said. «And maybe share playlists with each other and discover new music.»
Ultimately, Nelson said women should not assume that desire or intimacy has an expiration date. «We used to think that you hit menopause, and you went off the cliff and that was it,» she said. «And it's just not the case now. If we're going to be alive, we want to feel alive.»